The Adventures of Neville and Nestor
by poodle phreek
Summary: Neville acquires a pet ostrich named Nestor. Hilarity ensues. Neville/Lavender ship involved. I'd actually rate it PG-15 because there are some uh... scenes.
1. A New Pet

Neville Longbottom sat at the breakfast table, dreading the day ahead of him. He had double potions first thing in the morning, followed by Defense Against the Dark Arts, which he was horrible at (unless Harry was the teacher), and then Divination with Professor Trelawney, who hated Neville because he always fell asleep in class. That always resulted in detention, during which Neville would have to arrange tea leaves.  
  
He had barely touched his waffles when the owls swooped into the Great Hall with the post. Seldom did Neville recieve letters, unless his grandmother had urgent news that had to be addressed right away.   
  
Suddenly, Neville heard the doors of the Great Hall burst open, followed by an unceremonious SQUAWK!!! He turned around to see an ostrich standing in the doorway with a sign around it's neck. It read: "To Neville Longbottom. Love, Granny."  
  
'Oh............. my................ God,' Neville thought to himself, utterly mortified.  
  
The ostrich screeched impatiently, waiting for somebody to claim him. Everybody in the Great Hall was gawking at this odd bird, including Snape, who had a most disapproving look on his face.  
  
"Neville," Hermione hissed, "go fetch your bird!"  
  
The entire Great Hall was silent as Neville slowly got out of his seat and slowly approached the ostrich. He noticed that it was holing a piece of parchment in his mouth, and he promptly snatched it away from the bird. It read:  
  
Dear Neville,  
  
Here is a gift from me to you. It is a post-ostrich. His name is Nestor. Post-ostriches are the latest trend in New Jersey! Hope you enjoy him! I'm sure all of your fellow Hogwarts students will be most envious.  
  
Love,  
  
Granny  
  
"Oh............ my...................... God," Neville said out loud. First, he was the biggest geek in school, and now he was stuck with a bloody ostrich in the middle of Scotland.  
  
The entire Great Hall was silently laughing at Neville.  
  
"Shoo," he said, "Go back to Africa... Or wherever you birds come from!"  
  
Nestor gurgled sadly with a hurt look in his eye. He tilted his head in a confused manner.  
  
"You heard me!" Neville stammered, hoping this idiot bird would just leave him alone, "Shoo! Get out of here! Get lost!"  
  
An angry Nestor assailed Neville by pecking him repeatedly on the top of the head. The Slytherin table burst into laughter.  
  
"Okay fine!" Neville pleaded just to make the pecking stop, "You can stay, just don't make any trouble."  
  
Nestor celebrated by flapping his wings madly and running around the Great Hall in what appeared to be an uneven zig-zag.  
  
"CURB YOUR OSTRICH, NEVILLE!" Professor Snape boomed, rising from his seat in a menacing manner. Neville gulped.  
  
Nestor promptly returned to Neville, who was still petrified near the entrance to the Great Hall.  
  
"I am getting you a leash, and I will never, under any circumstances, let go of it," Neville whispered to Nestor, who screeched in dismay.  
  
This was going to be difficult, especially with the rule that stated that nothing besides owls could dwell in the owlery. 


	2. Bad Ostrich!

Neville hardly touched his breakfast. He had lost his appetite for he had a big ostrich named Nestor looming over him.  
  
"Umm... He's cute... I guess," Ginny said, trying to be nice.  
  
"Yes, he's very cute," Neville said impatiently, "but where the hell am I going to put him? Huh?"  
  
"Err... Good point... Your dorm maybe?," Ginny said, "By the way, how is he going to deliver the post? Ostriches don't fly!"  
  
Nestor gunted.  
  
"Be damned if I know," Neville muttered.   
  
Just then he heard a shriek. Nestor was pecking at Hermione's plate, and she was trying to bat him away with a rolled up Daily Propher but failing.  
  
"Nestor!" Neville yelled, rushing towards him, "Bad ostrich! You do not peck at other people's dishes! In fact, don't peck at my dish ether!"  
  
Nestor looked crestfallen, and he cooed in apology.  
  
"I guess I ought to take you to my dorm..." Neville sighed, leading Nestor out of the Great Hall. He was glad to get away from everybody's stares.  
  
Nestor kicked in a random direction and fluttered his wings.  
  
"Just don't kick me. Or anybody else for that matter," said Neville, "But you have my permission to kick Sanpe," he added.  
  
Nestor plumed his feathers.  
  
"Well, here's the dorm... Don't make a mess now!"  
  
****************************************  
  
Neville returned to the dorm during lunch to check on Nestor.  
  
"Oh my-NESTOR!!!" Neville sputtered, "YOU BAD, BAD OSTRICH!!!"  
  
The room looked as though it had been looted and pillaged by pirates. The curtains were torn down, the trunks were broken into, and heaps of clothes lay all over the floor. The dressers were splintered, the posters were shredded, chocolate frogs were hopping about, and there was a huge pile of crap in the middle of Harry's bed.  
  
"Salos!" Neville said, flicking his wand. The room did not clean itself up. Nestor just squawked at him angrily.  
  
"Salos!!" He said again.   
  
Nothing.  
  
"Salos!" said a girls voice. Everything in the room was swept up by a whirlwind and was put back in it's proper place. The dung was gone, as well as the smell.  
  
"Lavender, what are you doing here?" Neville asked, very surprised to see her in the boy's dorm.  
  
"I heard you yelling at Nestor," she replied, walking up to the bird. He let out a welcoming chirp.  
  
"Well, did you see what he did to my room?" Neville stammered, pointing at Nestor.  
  
"Yes, I did," Lavender said, stroking the top of Nestor's head, "And you know what? I would have done the same thing if you locked me in this dorm for five hours!"  
  
Nestor screeched in agreement. 


	3. Potions Class

Neville had liked Lavender since their first year ay Hogwarts, but this was the first time he realized how beautiful she really was. He was mesmerized by the way the light got lost in her deep brown eyes. He wanted to run his fingers through her long, blond ringlets.  
  
"Neville? You seem a bit dazed," Lavender pointed out.  
  
"Oh... nothing," Neville felt embarassed for staring at her.  
  
"Okay, well, I don't want to be late for Transfiguration. See you there! Oh, and be nice to Nestor," Lavender said, brushing past Neville as she left the dorm room.  
  
********************************  
  
The next day, in Potions class, Nestor was flapping and kicking about in the back of the Dungeon. Dumbledore had pleaded with Snape to get him to allow Nestor to be in the classroom during class.  
  
"Today we are learning about engorgement potions," Snape barked at the class. Draco Malfoy had a wide grin on his face. "Now," Snape continued, "engorgements are very difficult to make," he shot a sharp look at Neville, who winced, "so be very, very cautious."  
  
The potion was supposed to be a deep purple color. Neville's turned out being shit-brown and it smelled like rotten tomatoes. He had forgotten to add paprika.  
  
"LONGBOTTOM!" Severus snapped angrily, "do you know where you went wrong?"  
  
"Y-y-yes," Neville said nervously. snape was now looming over him menacingly.  
  
"Good," Snape said in a faux calm voice. He took a spoonful of Neville's awful potion. "Let's see what happens if I feed it to your dumb bird."  
  
"No!" Neville yelled, leaping out of his seat.   
  
"Sit yourself down, Longbottom!"  
  
Draco had a very pleased look on his face.  
  
Snape approached Nestor, holding his magical wooden spoon up. "Drink up, you horrible bird," Snape said.  
  
A furious expression took over Nestor's face and he gave Snape a powerful kick in the stomach. The enemy went flying across the room, knocking over about twelve potion vials as he landed. All of the Gryffindors applauded.  
  
"Longbottom, you have detention. Be here at five o'clock tonight. DO NOT BE LATE!" Snape shouted at Neville.  
  
"That's not fair!" Lavender protested, rising out of her seat, "It's not Neville's fault that Nestor kicked you!"  
  
"One more word out of you and you'll be with Longbottom in detention," Snape hissed at Lavender.  
  
"Well, fine then! You deserved that kick! I hope he kicks you again!"  
  
"Detention, Miss Brown!" 


End file.
